Good news, men: Docs can stop doing ‘that thing’

Let’s face it — it’s the most awkward part of your physical.

You already know what I’m talking about, right?

You turn around… you hear the rubber glove go on with a SNAP… and out of the corner of your eye, you see the doc reach into his drawer.

No, he’s not getting a lollipop… he’s got a big squeeze tube of lube in there.

Some guys stand in stone silence. Others try to break the tension with a joke, and it’s almost always the same one: “Aren’t you going to buy me a drink first?”

Well, friend, I’m here to say the whole thing’s a joke, and YOU’RE the punchline!

Where the sun don’t shine

It’s the dreaded digital rectal exam — “digital,” as in a finger up the you-know-what, which is about as mechanical as you can get.

And new research shows how it’s absolutely pointless.

Well, maybe not entirely pointless. It is the pointing finger, after all.

But as far as what it does for your health, it’s certainly meaningless.

Docs think they can use the finger like the world’s worst divining rod – but instead of water, they’re trying to detect the warning signs of prostate cancer.

But the new study finds ZERO evidence to back this awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes even painful practice.

And those fingers aren’t nearly as good at detecting cancer risk as docs think.

Just about ANYTHING a doc feels in there (eww!) will feel like cancer to him, but the new study shows that he’s usually wrong. The analysis of research on more than 9,000 patients finds that the test is much more likely to lead to a FALSE positive than a TRUE positive.

Now, on the one hand, maybe you’re thinking of the end result: A guy who thinks he has cancer finds out he doesn’t. He’s relieved… out celebrating life… and better safe than sorry… right?

Well, not so fast.

A false positive causes days — maybe WEEKS or MONTHS — of stress.

It also means a biopsy, a painful procedure than can lead to infection and other complications.

OK, so maybe then you’d argue that it’s better to THINK you have cancer when you DON’T… than to think you DON’T have cancer when you DO.

But even so, it’s STILL not worth it: The study finds ZERO impact on mortality in patients who get the ol’ finger poke.

You WON’T be safe. And you almost certainly WILL be sorry.

Most prostate cancers DON’T need treatment – but when they get detected, they get treated anyway, leading to a nightmare cycle that could involve surgery, radiation, hormones, and more.

The result? Diapers… bedroom problems… mood disorders… shall I go on?

All from a doc literally sticking his finger where it doesn’t belong!

Obviously, there might be times when you need the test – like when you’re bleeding out the you-know-what – but as a general screening, tell your doc to keep his digits to himself.