Hold your nose… and lose weight?

Here’s today’s humor, and this one’s beyond hilarious.

Hold yer nose, and you’ll lose weight… ’cuz ya can’t smell nuttin’!

That’s the actual “latest and greatest” new approach to weight loss, and you don’t even have to hold your own nose to play along.

The mainstream has created a device that’ll do it for you!

We used to have a “device” like that when we were kids. It was called a clothespin, and you’d put it on when you wanted to talk funny or if someone passed gas.

Since clothespins retail for about a nickel each, no one is going to get rich off them. So instead, the mainstream has created a high-tech nose-holder that goes INSIDE the nostrils.

It looks more like earplugs, but those are cheap, too. So, it’s marketing the dang thing as a “nasal contact lens.”

There. Doesn’t that sound more expensive?

The official name is NozNoz, which sounds like something you’d see when you’re up at 2 a.m. watching the boob tube.

Man, they can talk you into anything at that hour… just don’t let them talk you into this.

It’s not quite a nose plug. You can still breathe through it.

But it does plug up the part that lets you sniff out a good meal by blocking the scent of food.

Since smell is a big part of our appetite, you’ll supposedly eat less.

Forget learning how to eat right! Who needs that when the NozNoz knows better?

If this had been done by some “holistic nutjob” instead of a supposedly “legit” medical device manufacturer, they would’ve been laughed off the planet!

Instead, the world of medicine is treating this as serious news.

Only problem? The studies on this absolutely stink.

In one clinical trial, folks were given either the nose plug or saline drops.

After 14 weeks – three and a half MONTHS of plugging up the nose! – there were almost NO differences in weight loss.

Everyone lost weight.

But don’t thank the plug or the drops. Those folks were also put on a diet that cut 500 calories per day out of their meals. THAT’S what explains the weight loss.

The ones with the NozNoz lost a teeny bit more… but not enough to be considered a significant difference.

Plugged people who were younger than 50 lost 7.7 percent of their body weight, compared to just 4 percent in the other group.

But don’t get too excited. There were only 29 people in the study under the age of 50 — not nearly enough to make any conclusions.

Since NozNoz isn’t a drug… and it’s not technically a medical device… it’s been able to skip the approvals and start shipping to a nose near you.

If I were you, I’d get back to basics and remember what we were always told as kids: Don’t stick stuff where it doesn’t belong.

You don’t shove your fingers up your nose (I hope)… and you know enough to keep your sharpened pencils out of there.

If you really don’t want to smell your dinner, you can get a pair of the nose clips swimmers and divers use for a couple of bucks apiece!