Coming soon to a store near you: fake meat?

Finally, it’s time to fire up that grill and enjoy some burgers or chicken out back with your family and friends – one of the true pleasures of summertime! And you’d better appreciate it while you still can.

Because real honest-to-goodness meat may quickly be going the way of the rotary phone or the picture-tube TV — a thing of the past that you’ll have to explain to the grandkids.

It appears to be happening. The future is now.

But this isn’t some tofu turkey or “meatloaf” made from wheat gluten or ground beans. I’m talking about pretend poultry and bogus burgers that began with a chicken or a cow… but ended up in a petri dish and quickly lost any connection to real food.

Before you know it, animal cell-culture technology — “fake meat,” as it’s been dubbed — will no doubt be flooding supermarkets. And it’s all happening so fast that the FDA is holding an emergency public meeting on the issue next month.

While it might sound like something intended to feed astronauts on a long trip to Mars, this sci-fi food may soon be coming to a store near you.

So, here’s what you need to know to keep it from accidently making a landing on your plate!

Old MacDonald had a test tube…

There’s nothing like growing a burger in a test tube and calling it meat to really anger cattlemen!

And I’m sure they’ll be filling that auditorium to try and set the FDA straight about what’s meat and what isn’t.

Meanwhile, over in Missouri, legislators have already jumped on the issue, with laws in the works saying that if a food item doesn’t come from an animal with two or four feet, it can’t be called “meat.”

All of this controversy is over a high-tech method of food production with end products that come from a lab, not a ranch. It all starts with cells extracted from cows or chickens that are then “cultivated” into burgers, meatballs, or chicken parts.

And while the cost of creating one of these make-believe burgers was an astronomical $325,000 just a few years ago, it’s now become a bit more reasonably priced at around $10.

Although it may seem unlikely that mock meat will actually elbow real steaks and poultry out of the supermarket, a look at the companies that are investing in this counterfeit cuisine give you an idea of where it may be going.

Along with billionaires Bill Gates and Richard Branson, there’s also Tyson Foods, the largest meat producer in the U.S., as well as another big name in the game, Cargill. And in Israel, a company busy whipping up test-tube chicken nuggets is being funded by one of Germany’s biggest poultry producers.

But seriously, this whole adventure into faux food brings up more questions than the FDA could possibly get answered in a six-hour session. Aside from the yuck factor of knowing that your burger was “raised” in a petri dish, here’s the biggest worry: Is it even safe?

The FDA has that little question as part of its agenda under the heading of “unique control measures to address potential hazards.” But guess what? That’s something we probably won’t learn about until something awful happens once these ersatz edibles hit the market.

And going by how that agency allows plenty of risky foods to be sold right now, I wouldn’t count on it figuring out all of the things that could possibly go wrong with this any time soon.

Look, I don’t know about you, but when I order a steak or burger, I want it to have originated on a farm, not in some mad scientist’s laboratory!

Now, while I can’t tell you exactly when this will start being sold to the public, I think it’s reasonable to say that this fakery will probably cost more than your typical meat or chicken does.

But one way to make sure that you’re not accidently buying a pig in a poke (or a burger from a test tube!) is to only purchase organically raised beef and chicken.

By doing that, you’ll be certain that you are feeding your family the real deal, and as a bonus, it will be significantly safer and more nutritious than factory-farm meat and poultry.

“FDA to hold fake meat meeting to address public concerns” Wyatt Bechtel, June 19, 2018, Drovers, drovers.com