How lending someone a helping hand can help you live longer

It was more of a shock than a surprise when we heard of Debbie Reynolds leaving us last week, just a day after her daughter Carrie Fisher passed away. Although Reynolds was 84, there’s not much doubt that her daughter’s sudden passing was the reason for hers as well.

While Reynolds’ official cause of death was listed as a stroke, we know that some people do literally die from a “broken heart.”

It even has an official medical name: Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy.

The stress from grief can cause all kinds of potentially deadly changes in the body — from a heart that isn’t pumping right to an increased production of hormones that can cause plaque in the arteries to rupture. That’s why when a friend or loved one has suffered a loss, it’s more important than ever to be there for them.

But according to some new research, reaching out may not just help the person who’s grieving. It can also give you a boost in the longevity department!

How do you mend a broken heart?

We’ve all heard plenty about the things we can do to live longer.

But here’s one thing that can help to put more candles on your birthday cake that you may not have heard: helping others. As a group of international researchers recently discovered, being nice to others apparently can do some very nice things for your own health as well.

The researchers collected detailed information about over 500 people aged from 70 to 103, following them for nearly 20 years. And they found that the majority of those who helped their grown children or grandchildren lived, on average, five years longer than those who never did.

And they weren’t talking about full-time caregiving, either, but simply occasional help or even just emotional support.

That longer-life perk was also found to be the case when the study participants cared for someone outside their family circle (also just on occasion). That group also managed to outlive those who didn’t pitch in or give any help.

The researchers said that these health benefits likely come from the positive emotions we feel when being helpful. So apparently the good feelings we get from doing good deeds must be pretty darn powerful!

But while it may be easy to lend a helping hand when we’re talking about taking the grandkids to the zoo or out for lunch, you know it’s a different story when we’re helping someone during a period of grief.

If you find it difficult to approach a friend or loved one at times like that, experts in grief counseling say that these are the three most important things to remember:

#1: Listen more than talk. Psychology professor Robert Neimeyer says it’s best “to have big ears and a small mouth” if you want to be of real help to someone dealing with a loss. He also advises that you encourage your friend to talk about the person who passed away, rather than avoiding the subject.

#2: Don’t just offer help, but be specific in how you can help. For example, it may sound good to say “Is there anything I can do?” but it’s better to offer something more exact, such as bringing them dinner or driving them somewhere.

#3: Remember that the support of a friend is still needed after the initial shock of a loss is over. And it’s especially so during important dates like anniversaries and birthdays.

Perhaps nothing could have prevented Debbie Reynolds’s tragic passing. That’s something we’ll never be able to find out.

But where our own friends and family members are concerned, it’s good to know that by offering them a helping hand we can also give ourselves a boost in the health and longevity department.

“Be nice, because people who care for others live longer” Alexandra Sifferlin, December 27, 2016, Time, time.com