Where in the Milky Way can you find healthy lifestyle support? Mars, of course

NPR…hilarious stuff!

The other day I was listening to an NPR broadcast “supported” by Mars Incorporated. At the end of the piece the reporter suggested I visit marshealthyliving.com.

I mulled that for a moment, but just couldn’t make those words go together.

But I like healthy living, so I was game. I went to the site, and it really does exist. It’s called Mars Nutrition. And when you get there, this large headline pops out: “Fitting Your Favorite Mars Brands into Your Healthy Lifestyle”

Notice they’re not actually making the claim that their products are healthy. Your lifestyle…that’s what’s healthy. And this is where you can find out how to “fit” Mars products into and around your otherwise healthy meals.

To the right of the headline there’s a circle of 14 rotating ping pong balls, each stamped with the logo of a Mars product. There’s an organic food line. That sounds healthy. There’s a line of crackers and cookies made with whole grains. That sounds…maybe sort of healthy. But then there’s the Uncle Ben’s line of rice products. Yeah…maybe not so healthy.

Then the bottom falls out.

Other brands include Twix, Skittles, M&Ms, Combos, Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, Starburst, Dove, Kudos…you get the idea. It’s a chocolaty, sugary snack paradise.

This has got to be one of the loneliest jobs in the world: Trying to convince us that if we only put forth a little effort, we can fit junk into our healthy lifestyles.

That’s a tough fit.

To Your Good Health,

Jenny Thompson