Possible name change for The Federal Emergency Management Agency

Is The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) taking a page from the drug companies’ playbook?

There’s some talk going around about a possible name change for FEMA. Why? Well, the official reason is that the current name doesn’t exactly describe what FEMA is designed to do.

The real reason must surely go something like this: If we give it another name – ANY other name – sooner or later the public won’t remember that this agency used to be FEMA.

What does that have to do with drug companies?

Well, imagine this. The FDA decides Cox-2 inhibitors should stay on the market indefinitely, despite the heart attack risks. Merck, clever businessopoly that it is, isn’t going to miss out on all those dollars, but can they really bring back Vioxx at this point?! I mean, who would take it when they could take a Cox-2 that had never been pulled off the market? Call in the urgent response marketing team: It’s time for an extreme makeover – dangerous drug edition. New name, new jingleand it’s a whole new day.

So just think of FEMA as a drug in need of a makeover: Give it a new name, a new logo, a catchy tune, and the association with hurricane Katrina will eventually turn hazy. Two names that have been suggested:

National Disaster Coordinating Agency (NDCA), and Federal Unified Bureau of Active Response (FUBAR).

That last one is probably just a satirical jab. FUBAR is apparently a military acronym that stands for “fouled up beyond all repair.” As for the first one, they’re already good enough at coordinating disasters. Helping us recover from them is really more important in my book. Perhaps they should call the marketing team at Merck for more ideas.